


21st Day of Winter - Boobie Prizes

by unjaundiced



Series: Winter Spirits [25]
Category: Naruto
Genre: 25 Days of Christmas, 25 Days of Fic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Holiday, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-06 15:58:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5423150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unjaundiced/pseuds/unjaundiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the boobie prize that makes gift giving really fun. Everything else is just cake.<br/>Set the year after Friday Night Lights. They're 19 and 20. Naruto is 5. Pakkun is 13.</p>
            </blockquote>





	21st Day of Winter - Boobie Prizes

Iruka snuck downstairs in the wee hours of the morning, nearly tripping over Pacchan as he tried to step over Bull. The little dog growled in annoyance when he tried to hush her. Two black dogs lying in the shadows of the couch at ass o' clock in the morning were extremely hard to see.  
  
“ _Pacchan, shush,_ ” he hissed as she stood up to bark. A pale body plopped down on her, cutting off her growls with a mild squeak. Iruka squinted at the familiar soaring mohawk and grinned, patting Shiba on the head as he tiptoed past.  
  
Akino and Guruko lay sprawled out on the hallway floor, snoring and twitching with dreams. Guruko curled around Iruka's leg as he tried to go past and he almost fell into the Christmas tree when he tried to slip free of his living snare. He stepped on one of Naruto's forgotten toy cars and almost cried out, clapping his hands over his mouth as he whispered swear words into the night  
  
By the time he made it to where the stockings were hung, Iruka was irritable and paranoid. He had made far too much noise and even breathing seemed impossibly loud. He wasn't even sure what time it was anymore but he knew he was running out of time and had to hurry.  
  
He quickly rummaged around in his pillowcase of goodies and squinted at the first thing he pulled out, then he squinted at the row of stockings hanging from the staircase. Shrugging, he shoved it into one of the stockings. He did the same thing with the rest of the stockings, snickering at how much larger Naruto's was than everyone else's. Not so long ago he would have given into temptation and rifled through the cloth goodie bags. Now he was (nearly) an adult. He had patience. He could wait another two hours until sunrise.  
  
Naruto would be waking everyone up within one anyhow.  
  
Iruka bundled up his empty pillowcase and snuck back towards his room like a bandit, easing the door closed and crawling into bed for those last precious moments of sleep. He settled quickly to dreams and was breathing deeply in moments.  
  
A soft whuffing came from the far corner of the living room near the entrance to the kitchen. There was a stiff-legged clicking of toenails across hardwood flooring as Pakkun made his way into the living room area, head tilted curiously, eyes almost blind. Soft footsteps padded after him and he craned his head towards the man he knew was there but could no longer see.  
  
Kakashi chuckled to himself. So Santa's helper hadn't quit his side job yet, had he? He tiptoed towards the shoe cabinet and extracted a small box from the lowest shelf. He quickly pulled out a series of packages and closed the box again before replacing it and closing the cabinet door. He looked around almost suspiciously, peering into the shadows of the dim room as he hopped towards the stockings. Unlike Iruka, he knew exactly where he was headed and deposited his booty next his target stockings.  
  
Pakkun waddled after him, looking up curiously and grunting as if in approval.  
  
Kakashi snickered to himself as he crouched down and whispered to the pug: “Just between you and me and everyone else down here, okay?”  
  
Pakkun gave a single grunt which Kakashi chose to interpret as an agreement. The man scooped the little dog into his arms and skedaddled back to his room, practically diving beneath his cool sheets and rolling around giddily at the refreshing feeling. He sighed as Pakkun settled in next to him.  
  
“Ah, this is going to be good,” he crowed to himself.  
  
True to Iruka's intuition, Naruto was awake within an hour and he was banging on doors and trying to climb into people's beds. The boy couldn't wake anyone and decided to go see what Santa had brought, clambering down the stairs from the guest rooms with wide eyes brimming with excitement as the living room—empty of gifts the night before—was revealed to be positively overflowing. He clapped his hands over his mouth and squealed, turning around to run back upstairs when he tripped on something and fell.  
  
Curiously he scooted back down and picked up the spheres spilled across the stair, frowning and striking them with his palm. They flashed in a rainbow of colors, a strange dark round spot rolling to the top. He giggled to himself and thundered back upstairs with his new prizes, sneaking into Iruka's room. Iruka was fun; this would be fun.  
  
Iruka groggily came awake, exhausted but feeling the unbearable excitement of Christmas morning jabbing him in the gut. Strange. Usually Christmas didn't involve a lot of gut jabbing.  
  
Something wriggled on the bed next to him and giggled; Naruto.  
  
Iruka kept his eyes closed until flashing things were pressed against his eyelids. He rolled over in surprise and sat up, rapidly blinking sleep away. The room was flashing—no, some things in Naruto's hands were flashing.  
  
“G'morning Naruto-kun. What have you got there?” Iruka mumbled sleepily. He fumbled for the clock. Naruto hadn't even given him a full half-hour of extra sleep.  
  
“Somethin' cool,” the boy crowed, showing him his prize. Iruka squinted.  
  
“Eyes? Someone gave you flashing eyes?” Iruka thought of another kid's gift of eyeballs from years before.  
  
“Found 'em!” the boy chirped, bouncing on the bed. “Can we go down now? Can we?”  
  
Iruka shrugged and slid off the bed, holding out his hand to the boy. Naruto practically flew to his side and grabbed his hand, bouncing eagerly. In the hallway, the rest of the adults were emerging from their dens with tired looks. Of course, Kakashi's door remained stubbornly shut. He—as he liked to remind them—did not do early.  
  
Jiraiya and Tsunade showed up an hour later; Tsunade bright eyed and chipper, already in gimme-mode. Jiraiya looked utterly worn out and was giving the woman a disgusted looked as he lugged bags into the house.  
  
“Damn woman,” he grumbled. “Sat on the floor all night listening to her talk about all the kinds of stupid crap she was hoping to get. I hope she gets nothing but air.”  
  
Sakumo shook his head and pointed towards the stockings. “You can't open gifts yet, but you can open your stocking. I think there's something you'll like in there.”  
  
“Goodie, stockings. I like them better on a shapely leg,” Jiraiya grumbled. “Or better yet, on the ground.”  
  
He sank to the floor and dumped everything on his lap. Five seconds later and the house echoed with a hooting shout of “HOT DAMN!”  
  
“Wh-What is that!” Iruka pointed at the figure in Jiraiya's hand, aghast. It was one of a whole set of female figures with large bouncing breasts. Jiraiya was entertaining himself by poking at them to make them jiggle.  
  
“I wanna play too!” Naruto held his hand out for one of the toys. Jiraiya held them away from him and offered him a pocket book of dirty innuendos instead.  
  
“You might break it, kid,” the man said ruefully, poking at one of the breasts again and giggling to himself. “Boobies are fragile things.”  
  
“What kind of crap are you spewing now!” Tsunade barked, stomping back from the kitchen. Naruto giggled and pointed at her.  
  
“Tsunade-baba has boobies too!” he crowed, rolling with laughter. Iruka groaned.  
  
“Stop playing with those,” Iruka ordered, pointing at the figures. “And don't give him that!” he added as Jiraiya handed Naruto the book of dirty jokes. Jiraiya pouted.  
  
“But- But- But, the boobies!” Jiraiya whined, clutching his new treasures.  
  
Iruka rolled his eyes and huffed. He had a good idea where the boob toys had come from. He stomped upstairs and charged into Kakashi's room, leaping at the prone figure on the bed. Unfortunately for him, Kakashi came to life before he landed and had him wrapped up in the blankets and trapped within a full body embrace in seconds.  
  
“Let me go!” Iruka snarled, trying to wiggle free. Kakashi shook his head and snuggled close.  
  
“Nope. You make a good dakimakura,” he hummed. Iruka growled.  
  
“What kind of crap are you trying to pull on Christmas with a little kid in the house!” Iruka tried to headbutt his captor instead. Kakashi chuckled and opened an eye.  
  
“Haven't you ever heard of boobie prizes?” he teased. Iruka's face grew red.  
  
“It's not that kind of boobie, you moron—” Iruka's shout ended in a high-pitched yelp as fingers tickled their way up his spine. He arched in his prison and wriggled harder. “Stop that aaaaahhhhhh!!!”  
  
Kakashi paused and leaned in closer to whisper, “If you think that's bad... You should see what you got from Santa.”  
  
Iruka blanched and struggled harder, freeing himself in a frenzy of flailing limbs as he fell off the bed and darted out of the room in a panic. Pakkun peered over the side of the bed as Kakashi slid off it, laughing at Iruka's reaction. A loud voice echoed from downstairs.  
  
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

* * *

  
**OMAKE**

  
“Aw, can I have it?” Jiraiya was pouting, yes pouting. A fully grown man was pouting and doing his best to make puppy-dog eyes. Iruka wasn't buying it.  
  
“I'd rather burn it,” Iruka declared, throwing a pillow over the offensive thing.  
  
“But it's Satori-chan! She's a limited edition release from my franchise! She's so limited that I don't even have her! She's worth a lot!” Jiraiya looked as if he would cry.  
  
“It's a mouse pad. With breasts. I don't even think you can take it to the hospital!” Iruka barked.  
  
“Maybe the mammography department?” Jiraiya offered hopefully. Iruka looked disgusted. 

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted on Livejournal in 2011 as part of the annual 12 or 25 Days of Christmas challenge. The story takes place by years and utilises Japanese honourifics as a necessity. I tried to use canonical names wherever possible and created original character names as needed.
> 
> Due to the conditions at the time, the writing is a bit clunky but will largely remain unedited.
> 
>  
> 
>  **Vocab Notes**  
>  Dakimakura – a body pillow with a full body (normally of an anime character or idol) printed on it
> 
> Bouncing boob figures – gashapon figures with bouncing breasts attached to springs. There is one figure in this line with particularly large... assets. They're bigger than most of her body.
> 
> Boob mouse pads – usually something of a novelty or a gag gift. These are normally anime girls with large breasts and the breast part of the mouse pad is filled with an ergonomic gel for wrist support. There are yaoi versions where the buttocks of male characters are filled with gel.


End file.
